Have been having computer problems and have been without my desk top for 3 weeks now. I have really been missing my emails and surfing and shopping! It's incredible how relient that I have become. Thankfully my brother has lent me his old laptop so at least i've been able to get shopping again. You may have to excuse some typos and poor spelling tho as have no spellcheck!
I've been having a bit of a stuggle again. I think it is because all my support seemed to disappear at once. I went from seeing CPN , psychologist and attending group weekly to not seeing psychologist, CPN on holiday and group finishing all at the same time. At work, the lead nurse and the charge nurse (yes, I'm a senior nurse) on holiday and the 2 senior staff nurses off sick. Then to make matters worse, the ward secretary was off for a week's holiday and then has been off sick since. My work days have been juggling answering phones and doing orders etc while still being able to nurse that's the good bit!!)
Looking at all that written down allows me to forgive myself a bit, but I'm my own worse enemy as instead of going to management and saying that I was struggling, I decided to cancel appointments and just get head down and on with work.Unfortunately I'm still new enough in my recovery for me to go straight back to the 'easy' was to deal with things which for me is self harm and alcohol. Then of course i'm ashamed that I have done it, and disappointed that I've not been able to use my new techniques for dealing with overwhelming feelings. Fine, until my union rep who as been supporting my return at work phoned me at a bad time and I ended up in tears. She has suggested, and I have agreed to, her writing a letter to management saying that she feels that we should have another meeting. I had been given assurances proir to my return that there would be fortnightly meetings for me to have feedback on how they felt I was getting on. These have never happened. I suppose that I feel that I may be deemed to be incapeable if I make a fuss.
I'll just have to see how the next few weeks pan out.
 
Valerie.